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submit to reddit I would also say it's time to try for some kind of separation. Maybe you two don't have any choice except to live together for now, but at the very least, I'd say the relationship needs to be put on hold, until the two of you revisit how to be friends first. Both of you need the mental and emotional space to focus on finding work, dealing with money and budgeting appropriately for the household, and taking a step back from pushing and pulling at each other. Because right now, even if you care for each other, neither of you have the mental and emotional space available to show it, and no matter what your feelings, the actions you ascribe to you and her are not from. I'd also try for a physical separation as as possible. It's going to suck, and IMO it's unfortunate if you can't do it right away, but it's going to help both of you regain perspective on personal agency, as well as prioritizing what you each have to do to get your lives back on track. I'd especially focus on meeting other folks in the queer community, and making friends that way, because isolation is a real killer for us, not just in sociopolitical terms, but in terms of the additional pressure it puts on our relationships. After that is likely the best and only time you'll have a to try for an intimate relationship again, if that's what you both truly want. I'm sorry things are so difficult for you both, and I you both find a solution that's ultimately for the best, however that ends up looking.

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