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I totally get your reaction. I have known this friend for about a year and North Marysville a half. We hit it off and it has been an unusually intense friendship. Her daughter has been away at university for most of it, and be leaving again in 3 weeks, which I figure is for the better. So I have no history with this woman and I tend to think if I did this wouldn't have occurred. I would find myself feeling more like an Auntie or something but I don't. My friend tells me things like her daughter has been wrestling with her and kissing her at the same time and she laughs and says she needs a boyfriend and I'm thinking all kinds of things, but figure it's best to say nothing. She's probably straight etc., and even if not it's better if she works it out with someone closer to her own age and not her mom's closest female friend. This friend also sometimes flirts with me (and has in front of the daughter who seems amused/interested by it all) so I have no idea what that is about. So I guess there is a bit of sexual energy going back forth between us all. The liklihood that I do anything is small. Which is why I am on here. So I can just relieve the pressure. Feels like an infatuation. They're both difficult issues to tackle. I was married to someone I loved and respected very much but to whom I was not attracted. He was the smartest, funniest, sweetest I have ever known and he adored me completely. I married him for all the right reasons we wanted the same things, had congruent goals about life and rearing, were both faithful and committed and to begin with we were very happy. Over time, my total lack of interest in having sex with him (which did not mean we didn't HAVE sex) became a very damaging point of contention. I LOVED him, but I didn't WANT him. This hurt him deeply, in addition to being frustrating physiy. I would have sex with him 2-4 times a week to keep him placated, but I never felt spontaneous. I wanted my marriage to work. I loved my husband very much, and I WANTED to want him. I WANTED to feel the kind of that would make being close to him enjoyable and bring us closer rather than an obligation I fulfilled to placate him. I did my best to keep him happy, but he sensed that though I was trying I didn't feel the passion he did. As the implications of this reality sunk in, he became increasingly angry, resentful, and bitter. He eventually became, lost his temper frequently, and became someone I didn't recognize. We decided to split up so that we didn't continue to damage each other, or give our daughter a warped idea of how two people who each other behave. I didn't really understand, before I was married, how important regular sex is in keeping a term relationship harmonious. That it works like the bearing grease in the machine of your lives together. That it is an essential component of renewing the bonds that keep you tied to one another and willing to do the hard necessary work of compromise and commitment. Being attracted to your partner not be the most important thing, but it is certainly a necessary minimum for term happiness together. Tweet
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I call bull sh*t I've been patient and I've made excuses to myself and others about your recent behavior. But you know what? I can't anymore. You say one thing and then act another. If I were really important to you, if you really cared and I were a priority, you would treat me as such. The excuses you give me, the "buts," the lack of effort on your part tell the whole story. You rarely talk to me but when you do you indicate you care. Then you don't want to see me and avoid me saying you're just too busy. The excuses are total bull shit and we both know it. I mean nothing to you, and probably never did, regardless of what you have told me. You told me you had no intention of hurting me and I trusted you. I trusted in what you told me, but you have proven just the opposite. I told you I loved you and that was more true than you know, bit now I feel like telling you was a big mistake. Unfortunately, I still don't want to lose you, but I know that I already have (since I never had you to begin with) and I just have to let go. Why not tell this to you directly? Because I told myself I would not contact you again without you contacting me first. Not that it matters because you refuse to discuss the matter when I bring it up. But since you aren't reaching out to me, this seemed like the best way to let go and gain a tiny bit of closure. I don't know what happened, but I'm really , totally heartbroken actually, that something really awesome could have been but you chose to throw it away...throw me away. Frankly, I deserve to be treated a lot better than you seem to think I do. Too bad you couldn't see what you had in me because I did and would have treated you right.

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