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She probably greets him in the morning beaver first...
LOVE that movie :O)
We all know that being told "Hold my beer and watch this" clearly means something bad is about to happen. With that in mind, I decided I would use this blog to profess how much I love NYC and my neighbors. Well, maybe we'll just leave out the neighbor's part, but you get the idea, yes?! Which is exactly what most of Manhattan did when we were warned about hurricane Irene. I couldn't just let this article on preparation just go to waste could I? Nope! Life is short; find love...because when you find it, it lasts forever :O)
Dear NYC: bills will work better than threats
3. Valium Zanax: For yourself and everyone around you
4. Bible: to look up specific versions to mention to God while asking for forgiveness for all the things you have done (or have done in your head already) to the people around you
5. Basement: Now is the time to throw out all morals and rally up anyone you know that is living in a illegal basement apartment w/out windows in Queens instead of your penthouse of death.
- bonus.. If your pad could never attract the ladies before, go to the evacuation centers and announce you have a tiny gross and (very) illegal basement in Queens to keep everyone safe. Bye, bye swank penthouse, hello Queens! (which allegedly is not a suburb of NYC)
6. Oxycodine: not oxygen. Although, depending on where your evacuated too you might wan to throw in an oxygen tank, just incase (see relocating to Queens above)
7. Sleep Aid: I prefer Demerol, but it is a little hard to acquire substantial amounts on such short notice and without drawing up suspicion
- but in the event that you do attain some, please email me your address so I can show up at your door.
8. 1 Marble: to show in case crazy people are telling you that you've lost all your marbles
9. Intibator: To shut up the crazies around you
10. Morphine drip: In case the valium, Oxycodine, Demerol, and Zanax all fail, a morphine drip will keep you sane. Have the IV already attached to your leg before you get there and if asked, tell them its a cathader. They will leave you alone after that, trust me.
11. Rubberbands: Safer than carrying a handgun, but scares people just as much when you aim and point it at them.
12. Ear plugs: Did I mention that there are over 2M people on this two mile island, and they won't offer a separate shelter for the children of the corn? "Separate, but equal" - their words, not mine.
13. Absenthe Everclear: to wash down your pills. Water is overrated.
14. Candy dish of assorted pills: (Riddelin, Kolonopin, Paxil) For the kids who won't take a roofie, but could never pass up a candy dish!
15. snickers bar: your going to be there for a while
16. Hope: Depending on how long your there, I'm confident hope is the first to run out.
17. Foursquare: run through your list of people you never want to see again and match it to whatever evacuation center they are checked in at so you can avoid going there.
18. Bubble Potty: no explanation needed.
19. iPad: Lets face it, if your condo does get destroyed, losing your iPad would be the most devastating
20. Therapist #: If you survive this, your going to need it.
* Holy headshot?! Well, on the bright side I don't need to point out my imperfections - there are right there, life size, waiting for you to stare Sexy housewives wants sex Bentonville.
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