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Hello! I am looking for a female friend who is unique. If you're atypical, I want to meet you! And bonus points* go to you, pretty lady, if you have been diagnosed with a mental disorder by a real-life, bona fide doctor.
I am a considerate individual who struggles to find a worthwhile relationship amongst the majority of women, so I've decided to target a minority. I hope that I'll find a partnership that exceeds what I usually perceive as superficial and boring. I'm primarily looking for a close friend, but would like to keep the prospect of an uninhibited, romantic relationship as an option, given the right circumnces and person. Regardless, I do not want any unnecessary social expectations to burden our relationship. I would like to find some one who is content being alone, but also enjoys company fairly regularly.
I myself have some pretty common mental short-comings, although I tend to be a rational individual, who exercises discretion and self-control often. I am not dysfunctional, for the most part.
A few of the things that I enjoy are reading, writing, outdoor activities, late-night bike rides, fire and puppies. Not fire combined with puppies, you twisted mistress. More clearly, I enjoy an occasional, safe and modest pyrotechnic display. I also like the company of puppies. They're so darned cuuuuute.
So, if you've been ed weird once or twice or a hundred times, and your sense of humor, imagination, and ability to show compassion are all intact, send me an email*. We can chat it up from there, then meet in person, if we get along nicely. After that, we can get together, discuss our common interests, fight crime while laughing at the non- mutants, and do whatever the fuck we want because we're so goddamned cool.
Oh, and to prove I'm not a spam-bot I can send hair, fingerprints, and tissue samples upon request.
*cough* I meant to say, here's a boring and obvious fact about our current location: Today it was really fucking hot in the town of Yuma. One brave citizen ventured outside. His hair was singed off and he recieved immediate 3rd degree burns. An eye-witness described this unfortunate individual as looking "somewhat like a charred hotdog, but with less condiments, and processed meat". In related news, scientists are now claiming that tomorrow will also be really, oh-god-my-balls-have-melted-to-the-insides-of-my-thighs, fucking hot. This will be followed by points will be awarded in the form of an official Points Vouture, direct from the US Treasury
*Points can be filed through the IRS along with your W2, under the box labeled 42j: points, etc.
Points defined in metric units are considered void, no exceptions.
If you have any questions about utilizing your points, this 24/7, toll free hotline:
(.) ...-...-....
For the visually impaired, feel your computer monitor directly above this line of text to get our Braille message, then question your diagnosis and try to find a better doctor.
*thoughtful hate mail also gladly accepted at this email address. Author of this ad is a long time master in the trade of self-loathing, any contributions will be greatly appreciated
TL;DR/insensitive version of above text: Email me, you weird-o!
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