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if you don't want to hear about threats and why i am afraid of his mouth, he choked me because i told him his friend dropped into my work to raise the concern that he saw a drink out when our was a, and was afraid the drinking would get out of hand while i was at work and our would not get the care he deserved. the fact that the friend came to my job to talk to me out of concern for our was construed (sp?) as cheating, and i was held down and choked. the only thing that saved me was a good kick in the cojones. that was one time, out of, he's been to jail because of anything to do with alcohol. that was only one time, out of, i was ACTUALLY afraid for my safety. don't talk to me like i don't know what a knife against my throat feels like either. no, he doesn't hit me, but i feel like i need to warn someone that if i do leave and wind up dead, that he has something to do with it. getting my education is my way to the full time job i need to support my in the manner i need to, without state help or the like. i don't want state help, it's there for people that need help in between jobs. the time i spend driving from my day job to tutor math at night doesn't count as "in between". i struggle, but we make it. who are you to say what i do or do not deserve? who are you to judge whether this guy is actually abusive or just that i am unhappy? you don't know. and honestly, for having been through the multiple "daddy's in jail tonight" ordeals yourself, i would you would understand why i don't believe this is a good situation for my. i take my to visit my family (if i can afford the gas) or to the park if daddy's having an off day, just as you wish your kiddo to daddy on a day. i kind of wonder what you have against other women that you talk to me like you are some sort of expert on domestic and that no one deserves the good that you got out of getting a divorce like you did. can i ask what makes me worthless and you awesome? everyone deserves to be happy. even this guy i vilify in your words. perhaps he be a better father without me around, perhaps he drink less. that's what i want. my deserve a happy home, when it comes down to it. if it means we split this unhappy home up to make two happy homes, that's ok.

Jane
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